Helping

I don't understand why I do the things I do, why I say the things I say, or why I have grown to think that everything is fixable. Yeah, I know the old saying "if you can't duct it you might as well fuck it," but how many things really can't be fixed with duct tape? Hungry has always called me too charitable, Swallow says I don't know when to quit, Werd says I am door mat that lets everyone in, and well High Five from work says I am every one's best friend or sometimes their only friend. Growing up my sister always said that she would give me everything she ever had yet I wouldn't give her a jacket if I had five hanging in my closet. A saying that has stuck with me over the years. A saying that helps me remember to give back, to give a buck to the bum, to open up my arms and hug someone (even though I am not a fan of being touched), to listen when no one else will listen, probably because the bridges have been burned in the past...but listen none the less.

I seemed to have discovered that I recently inherited a new gene from my mother...the gene of help. One I am eternally grateful for, one that I hope is with me everyday for the rest of my life. My mother could never turn her back on anyone, literally anyone. She was always had an ear to listen with, a shoulder to cry on, a hand to help you when you have fallen, the patience of a saint (well, unless tumbles didn't tie her shoes or I made her buy the most expensive cheese and then let it rot), she even a band-aid to cover your wounds. She missed her calling by not opening a non-profit organization that could help on a world level...or maybe she didn't miss her calling, because she is helping on a day to day level. Either way, she is by far the most amazing female that walks, someone I strive to be like, someone whom no matter how hard I try...I will never be able to fill her shoes, kind of funny since she wears a smaller size than I. Back to the point at hand...my mother is by far the most generous, thoughtful, charitable, gracious, loving individual that bends over backwards at the drop of a hat.

I find myself in situations helping people of need...and not just shelling out 5 dollars here or there. I see myself continuing to insert myself in situations I would normally laugh and point at, well maybe not inserting myself, but definitely not running away. Seabiscuit is about to hit rock bottom, a rock bottom that I don't know I have ever seen or dealt with. I have no previous experience dealing with any of the life altering decisions she made or continues to make. Most people would say something to the effect "well, she has made her bed, now she gets to lie in it." I feel as if instead of pointing and laughing or enjoying the failure of her constantly bad choices, I should jump in with both feet or head first to help. I have no idea what I am doing or why I am doing it...but I know at the end of the day, my mom would do the same thing. Seabiscuit has lied to me, lied to my friends, made TERRIBLE choices, but it honestly seems that the world is literally turning their back on her...and I might be her last hope. No one understands why I am the one reaching my hand out to help, why I am the one looking out for her, and why I even care.

Last night a male attempted to serve her with papers from the court (as if you would be served from anything else, but whatever). One of her friends came running to find me, as if I could fix the problem. Luckily or unluckily (depending on how you look at it) Seabiscuit wasn't around to accept service. Her friend is like what she would do??? I looked at her and said, "why on earth are you looking at me? I have no idea what to tell you." She responds with "well, she admires and respects you, she seems to think that you have a good head on your shoulders, and she will actually listen to you." Enough said, I call and talk to her about what happened at work, and tell her if she needs anything I am here. She starts to cry (great, we all know how I do with tears). Without even thinking, I say "whatever it is...I will be here for you." That cheers her up for the moment, and she says "no one has ever treated me as good as you." Rut Rhoe! I get scared and think what have I gotten myself into. I tell her that I have to go, but we will talk tomorrow or later in the evening, she understands and with that the call is ends. I wake this morning, standing in the kitchen with Swallow when in comes Seabiscuit. Swallow sees her chance to exit and basically jumped without hesitation.

I proceed to give Seabiscuit coffee and a hug. Two things that I always love and again say I am here for whatever it is you need. His girl's family has abandoned her (and after hearing the stories I am not surprised), but she needs someone. Who better than a 26 year old kid with little to no life experience...a kid who thinks that everything can be fixed with duct tape? I might not know all the answers, I might not know any of them for that matter...but I know the feeling of unconditional love and support that a family gives you. Lucky for me, my family just got bigger. I can't turn my back on her but I also know I can't fix everything. The one thing I can be is the rock that she needs...the rock my mom taught me to be.

A huge thanks to my mother for showing me the value of a hug and passing on the gene that I never knew I had. Tumbles, if you ever need a jacket I have a few hanging in my closet, I hope you reach for one soon.